Mufli...

snooker story time...(a mufli in local hyderabadi snooker lingo is a fluke shot...when playing LTP - local lingo for loser-to-pay which means the loser pays for the table - one normally agrees beforehand on whether muflis are allowed or not)...

Over the weekend I had gone to play snooker in a snooker parlour (not my regular one but one which I had never visited) with my new cue...

so there I was in that snooker parlour(1) that I had never visited before...a dim place with pools of bright lights (the lights at the snooker tables)...the click-clack sounds of snooker balls being hit with the occasional expletive as a shot is missed...a light mist of cigarette smoke prevalent throughout the place (quite a few of these snooker parlours are smoking zones)...the muted background noise of some television channel...the oases of green baize(2) that marked the snooker tables amidst the general shabbiness of the place...ahhhh...felt like heaven...

I headed over to the "reception" (i.e. a desk behind which the owner of the parlour resides...he's the guy who tells you if a table is available and assigns someone to play with you if you are alone)

and the usual gang of regulars gave me "the eye"......

every snooker parlour has a usual gang of regulars...these are the best players in that particular parlour and they are the people who test out their skill against new people who wander in (a macho thing) and once the skill level is assessed they are the guys who initiate the "why don't we start betting for fun" ploy...

I asked the "receptionist" if a table was available and if I could get a partner to play with me...he directed me towards a table and then asked one of the gang of regulars clustered around the TV to play with me...I opened my cue case(3) and assembled my cue(4)...my opponent(referred to as MO henceforth) professionally opened a professional looking cue case and professionally assembled a professional looking cue...

"hmmmm" I thought "seems like a good player...maybe I'll learn something from him"

Being the newcomer I got the chance to break(5)...a decent enough break...and a decent safety(6) with the cue ball(7) nestled at the top cushion...or so I thought...MO spots a plant(8) which I didn't even realize existed...MO squints at the plant, assesses the angles, raises up the cue for the shot and *bam* -- red potted with black position ...and black potted with red position again...and red potted with black position again.....and so on till the score is MO-48 and Me-0...and finally I get a chance to come to the table...the balls are quite evenly spread out and there is a ball on (9)...my turn now...*bam* red and black...and red and black again...and red and black position and I start to get excited (which is what normally happens whenever I seem to start a run of potting in snooker) and muff up the black shot (which is what happens when I get excited)..."tut tut" says MO and proceeds to punish me for my silly mistake...and pretty soon it is time for me to concede the frame....onto the second frame...MO breaks and we feint for some time with some safety play (10)...I spot a long difficult pot and concentrate and*bam* long difficult pot and black position..."good shot" says MO and I get excited and muff up the black..."steady !!!" warns MO and comes up to the table...red and black...red and black...and so on till the score is 80-1....I concede the frame...

"This has gone long enough and its now time to end this farce" I think to myself...

so I walk up to MO........

and ask him if there is someone else with whom I can play (what did you think...???...that I started defeating MO like in a filmi story???)....

MO grins and says "sure" and then says "I'm John Bosco -- the state #1 player"...

"I'm Ashwin -- state #1094 player" I say (MO nods solemnly - I don't think he got the joke)

Glossary : ----------
(1) snooker parlour : places where one pays and plays snooker...typically it costs around 80 bucks for an hour of snooker on the "English" table(the normal regular size 12' by 6' table) and 60 bucks for an hour of snooker onthe "French" table(the smaller table...10' by 5')...approximate measurements...
(2) green baize : the green felt cloth that is the surface of a snooker table...a big turn for me (errr...I meant to say that I feel happy wheneverI see the surface of a snooker table...especially if they are showing international snooker on TV...the green cloth...the long table...the shining balls...errr..I think I'll stop now...)
(3) cue case : the case in which the cue (see (4) ) is carried...
(4) cue : to a snooker player -- the equivalent of a gladiator's sword (and continuing with the silly analogy the chalk is the equivalent of a whetstone)
(5) break : the first shot in the match...traditionally it is a shot played with right english where the cue ball (see (7) ) hits the third red in the right side of the back and then bounces off three cushions and comes to rest near the top cushion (see (8) )
(6) safety : a situation where there is no easy ball to pot...
(7) cue ball : the white ball...sort of like the striker in carroms...
(8) plant : two (or more) red balls which are together and when struck at the correct angle with the correct spin and at the correct spot results in a pot...locally known as a cannon...
(9) ball on : a ball which can be potted relatively easily...
(10) safety play : tactical play wherein the objective is not to leave a ball on for the opponent...i.e. make potting as difficult as possible while trying to eliminate the alternatives for the opponent to do the same...